Liftoff

So this is what manifestation feels like.

Andy and I have broken through something profound this week, and I'm so inspired that I don't know where to begin. My mind is a roaring, tumbling, whitewater current of possibilities.

Have you ever had one of those times in your life when you've set a high goal for yourself, and you're on the brink of acceleration towards that goal? Imagine standing at the helm of your life, trying to steer your boat in the right direction, all the while scanning the stars for clues that you're headed the right way. The seas are all new to you. You're nervous about the entire journey, and you're trying not to admit it, but the whole thing has been a complete leap of faith. And then it happens. You look up, and for the first time, you recognize the stars overhead. Constellation. All of the effort you've been pouring in pays off. The wind fills your sails and you know you are finally, finally on course.

That's what happened to us this week. Really. It's true.

Our two amazing upline mentors, Susan Szabo and Kimmy Merrill Everett, came to visit our team this week. In a very short amount of time, their leadership helped us put together a visionary presentation for a group of dynamic people that we'd love to work with. Susan and Kimmy are people who have walked the path of success before us, and the time we shared with them blew the roof off the limits of what I used to think was possible for me to achieve in my lifetime.

So this morning, over coffee, I tried to put my finger on how I feel changed this week, and what led to that change. I asked Andy what he thought. "It's easy," he said. "We just put it out there."

Was it that easy? What on earth does it mean to "put it out there," anyway? I mean, putting it out there seems to be the daily prayer for our generation. What does it actually look like, in action?

For us, putting it out there in preparation for our big event this week meant that we did some pretty specific things. It should go without saying that we called as many people as we could to share the news of our presentation. But we did a few other things, too. And I think they all helped.


We created a vision board.

After our little ones went to bed, Andy and I took 30 minutes to talk about our vision for the future. We picked ten dreams we would love to achieve if we removed our traditional limits. We wrote them down. We went to pinterest.com and found pictures for all of them. We printed the photos and mounted them on a bulletin board. Then we stood back, oohed and aahed, and got really excited about our dreams. As soon as we made those dreams visual and concrete, right there in front of us, they transformed into goals.


We gave life to our "why."

When we first joined Lifemax, the first exercise we were assigned was to write down our "why." That was a good question. We needed to be clear on the reasons were choosing this business model, and equally clear on what success means to us. It was a conversation that absolutely charted our course. So we decided to display it in our home where we can read it every day. We opened up InDesign, made it pretty, and printed our why to put up on the wall. We stepped back and nodded. It was just right.



We came prepared for coaching.

We were delighted to hear that both Susan and Kimmy could make time to coach us in person in Vancouver. If you are ever lucky enough to have the amazing gift of a personal coaching session with people you respect and admire, I have one suggestion for you. Make it good. The prep will only take you ten minutes.

We picked three short-term goals and three long-term goals to work on, and asked for feedback on an approach to develop our dream team. Kimmy and Susan were absolutely amazing. They took the time to answer our questions, give us guidance, and coach us through our next steps. Simply arriving prepared meant that we were able to fill in a lot of little knowledge gaps. We walked out of our coaching session with our sights set high and our feet firmly on the ground under us.

We learned, we talked about success, and we got excited.

We built belief. We snuck in a few minutes of reading or audiobooks here and there, when the kids napped or when Andy was commuting to and from work. We focused on success stories. We talked about ways our existing skills could launch us to new heights. And everyone we talked to remarked on the positive energy we were developing.


We asked for what we wanted.

How do your leaders know where you want to be in one, two, or five years? Simple. You have to tell them. I read an amazing book called Ask For It by Linda Babcock and Sara Laschever in which the authors revealed that men initiate negotiations to advance their own interests at four times the rate women do. Women simply don't ask. I decided that I'm not going to let that be my story anymore.

What I want is simple: my chance to be supported on the way to success. I want an opportunity to use the leadership skills I've been developing for my entire life, in a way that really matters. I want to extend my sphere of influence to help inspire others and change lives in a positive way. And I want to keep learning from the amazing successes of those who have done it before me. So I gathered up my goals, and my strengths, and my weaknesses, and I laid them all out on the table for Susan and Kimmy. "Here's what I want," I said. "I want to be up there with you next year."

"We'll help you get there," said Kimmy.

It's all happening. I am humbled, and I am insanely excited. Here we go.

The moment my life changed

{July 13, 2011. The day after Andy and I made a powerful decision that promised to change the course of our lives, I took a rare hour to myself to think, to write and to set some personal goals. Now that we're through the learning curve and living our changed life, I look back at this journal entry and all of it makes sense. I now know that our journey has cleared a path for us to create the life we choose. Here is what my headspace looked like in the moment we embraced the change.}

It's awfully hard to be patient with life sometimes.

Even under the very best of circumstances, as I am. My home is stable. I have joy in my days, a clean bill of health, and the love of my amazing family. We want for nothing - we live in a free, safe, democratic, and clean country. We are on good terms with family. We have a car for the first time. We have a vivacious toddler boy and a brand new baby girl in our lives. I wouldn't know where to begin counting my blessings.

So maybe it's this incredible love and stability, elevating me, that compels me to see farther and want to follow a path toward self-actualization. Last night, our scheduled creative night was hijacked by a business opportunity. And while it was incredibly exciting, part of my heart was reserved for writing in my journal. That part of my heart couldn't leap with anticipation for a profitable career last night... it only wanted to write, and write, and I was terrified that I'd lose the creative momentum I've been building. The only person who is going to write my words is me. The only person left to make or break my vision is myself. I am so scared of letting it go again. Of letting other concerns overshadow my writing time. I must keep my pen moving in order to carve out my future.

Today, now, both sides of my heart seem to be communicating again. I can pursue the career that allows me the lifestyle with ample time and means to write. I will make responsible financial and professional decisions to help protect my children. And I am creating the words, characters and stories that illuminate my life. Writing is the act of living consciously. My writing will help me to inspire Gabriel and Ariadne's imaginations. I can only hope my words will help them shape their world view.

It's fascinating to live consciously through writing. When I began moving my pen today, I had been sitting downtown and people watching. And I couldn't help but notice that every woman on the SkyTrain and walking downtown seemed better dressed than I am. Accessories sparkled in all directions - golden bracelets, stylish purses, summer shoes, ethereal scarves. I look at these women and I feel hopelessly... outdated. I'm 8 weeks postpartum and nothing fits. I haven't bought clothes in a serious way for years. And there's a distinct pang- a millimetric shadow of a feeling, like a distant cousin of grief and longing, that catches in my throat when they walk past. It was this microdespair I actually wanted to write about.

And then I began taking stock of all the reasons I have to be grateful. My disappointment is a prime example of a first-world problem. If I feel envy at these downtown women, what more of the rest of the world? How does my reaction compare to real envy? Real grief, longing, disappointment? How many people might feel those things when looking at my life? And what in life besides these modern wardrobes makes my real wish list?

If I had to write the wish list down, here's what it might look like. Mornings running in the forest with Andy. A year travelling and teaching our kids world history, on location. Unpacking a brown box containing my very first published novel. A home with a garden and a library. The means to continue writing while working in a meaningful job. True leadership. Laughing with Gabriel and Ariadne. Seeing them graduate from university. Contributing to the world through philanthropy. Living a life that inspires Andy to write music. Dinner overlooking a vineyard in Tuscany.

And maybe, just maybe, a pair of pants that fits.